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First of all, we first must identify what makes a girl popular. In my daughter’s elementary school years ago, many so-called popular girls were cheerleaders…not because they passed an audition but because they parents paid for summer camp and the uniforms. Anyone could be a cheerleader; apparently it brought instant status to every 10 year old that could shake a pompom. The “super popular” girls were those who wore the most revealing clothes allowed by the school board, such as skimpy skirts and tank tops in the middle of winter. My daughter asked one once, “Aren’t you cold?” to which the other fifth grader replied, “Of course I am-but this looks good.” Sad, isn’t it? The stakes are raised in Junior High. It’s still not about looks or personality as much as power and sexuality- a “really popular” girl posted pictures of herself on Myspace, wearing a shirt with a drawing of hands over her breasts, as well as a suggestion with an arrow pointing downward. Is this what the popular girls are now wearing to make themselves popular?

I have spent a lot of time lecturing (yes, I believe there’s a time and place for it) on the concept of self-respect, standards and other stuff teens don’t wish to hear. But if I didn’t, I’d be remiss in my duty. Meanwhile, dozens of teen flicks abound with mean “popular girls” who contradict our words that their actions are not the way to behave. But, unfortunately, kids are vulnerable, naïve and insecure, and being around others who seem to have no fears of being able to get away with anything is liberating. Even when they badmouth others and connive, popular girls can give off an aura of having a special magic. (Often, it’s just misplaced confidence, super-ego, and bad attitude, but no one will admit it.)

Anyway, for those girls whose goals are to simply look good and fit in, without drawing unnecessary negative attention to themselves, I have the word straight from the horse’s mouth. It will probably differ by the time school resumes in four weeks, but the basics should be the same:

1. Knit shorts of all colors, hitting mid-thigh, with the waistband flipped over to expose the white elastic. (I don’t get it, either, but it’s big with those under the age of 16.)

2. Short skirts with patterns, not flowers…flowers just aren’t cool, apparently.

3. Jeans and capri’s-but not sweatpants or culottes, and definitely not gauchos-ever.

4. Differently patterned tops and bottoms are OK, as long as there’s a color connection.

5. Too much co-ordination is a no-no, like wearing a top that’s basically green with a hoodie in the same shade of green.

6. On that same note, hoodies are in, but cardigans and pullover sweaters are not.

7. Slip on, printed canvas shoes (like Vans) are the thing to wear-it appears that white designer tennis shoes or even simple Ked-like shoes are only for us older folks.

8. Black and white-checked items are really popular. (My daughter has this pattern in a purse, backpack, belt, earrings, and shoes.)

9. Tank tops are considered “hot”. (If your kid has significant cleavage, re-stitch the seam at the tank’s shoulder, bringing the neckline up an inch or so. She may not appreciate it, but there will be less of her for males to appreciate.)

10. Short, barely-there ankle sox are now more desirable than regular crew sox or slouchy socks of the past.

Let me end by saying that not every “popular” kid is badly behaved or spoiled, and they’re not the only ones who end up being successful. In fact, some of the "mean" popular kids’ success in high school is pretty much the high point of their lives; the real world takes a whole lot of acquiescing and humility that never had to be acquired. They may or may not learn that life is not a popularity contest, and it’s a darned good thing that it isn’t. If the people who didn’t win would allow it to affect their lives, there would be millions crying in their beer while the few winners would be trying to run the world. Now that’s a scary thought, isn’t it?

If you lived in the States during the late 60’s/early 70’s, you may have watched a weekly series for a few years called “Lost in Space”. A family-the Robinsons-was sent into space for a short jaunt; the father was a space engineer, the mother was a doctor, and they had 3 children. Accompanying them was a co-pilot, and, unbeknownst to them, the resident bad guy, Dr. Smith, who snuck on before takeoff for his own devious reasons. Due to his intruding, plans were foiled and they found themselves…ah…lost in space. The galaxies offered grit for many sagas, even though today’s kids would scoff at the makeup and costumes of the aliens. Even the story lines were tame by today’s sci-fi standards, such as the alien who traveled across the universe, collecting beings for his zoo. People hadn’t yet experienced high tech special effects, so what the show offered was the height of coolness, even in the early black and white episodes. My personal favorite was when a female alien became enamored of the never-trustworthy, always lazy, Dr. Smith. His memorable character acting was never as funny as in that particular story line. The sexy femme fatale would appear outside of the spaceship window cooing “Dr. Smith” as she floated back and forth. Dr. Smith would run screaming and crying in his cowardly way, giving viewers a big laugh-or at least a smile. But none of this tops Robot. I loved Robot. Robot was the genius, the pet, the comic foil, and most importantly, the thorn in the side of Dr. Smith. He’d wave his stretchy-pipe arms and intone, “Danger Will Robinson, Danger”, and you knew something horrible was coming. He and Dr. Smith would trade insults until Dr. Smith would pull out Robot’s power pack and Robot would collapse with a sound that defies description. But by the end of every show, the family would escape the clutches of whatever evil alien being was intending to harm them, and be on their way to the next adventure. The movie version failed to do it justice, and I don’t recollect any board games, dolls or merchandise connected to it-true class.

Thinking about this earlier today again made me wonder if we, as a human society of the future, will ever wear the clothing that science fiction writers and designers portray. In this show, as in many other television and movie productions, the future means unisex attire, usually as a jumpsuit, and most often with long sleeves. It’s rather understood that we will have the joy of miracle fiber in the future, material that will keep us cool in summer, warm in winter, never need special laundering or any ironing, will come in flattering colors-or metallics-while still able to conform to our body-with the supreme advantage of not allowing any bulges, rolls, or other drawbacks to be apparent. This is a bit different than the clothes presented on the future world cartoon “The Jetsons” because in that, everyone did have unique styles, albeit quite geometric looking. (Of course, there is always the realm of future depicted by the entertainment industry in which everyone walks around in rags because the world has been practically destroyed, but we won’t go there today.)

My question is, do you think that the day will come when everyone will dress alike in unisex clothing? If it happened upon us in the next year-however absurd that may seem, would you go for it?

On one hand, I can see where a far-off future society-say thousands of years away-may be much more enlightened than we are, and will be at an intellectual and emotional place where attire isn’t important. In that case, unisex clothing would be much, much simpler in terms of decisions, packing, washing…not to mention what we could do with all the time and energy we now spend shopping, trying on, sewing, and accessorizing. It actually would be quite nice to be at such a place. But as far as things look to me, I can’t see that ever happening in our lifetime; we’re a far way from being that enlightened. We still want diversity, interest, fun and uniqueness. Our great, great, great, great, great grandchildren may never understand, but right now, fashion is fun, isn’t it?