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The other day, my bachelor brother-in-law allowed me to find him someone through an online dating service. There were probably three times as many pictures he ignored as he clicked on, but none motivated him enough to jot down any numbers. I can see why. Some gals go overboard in what they choose to wear and how to look in their photos.

Lest you jump on me for being prejudiced since I’m not the one searching, I once belonged to a “dating club." But it did not require photos; people chose each other based on bios, and their first sight was at the initial meeting. I enjoyed the experience, but I wasn’t expecting to meet a soul mate, or viewing it in terms of validating my self-worth. I think that gals need to keep in mind that a few “rules” should still apply in this tricky and realm. Here then, are my opinions of what not to wear if you’re considering placing a photo in a personal ad, and why…

1. My brother-in-law and I had a good laugh over the woman who, unlike the others who had at least one headshot and a few full-body photos, posted just one picture: a cropped image of her bikini-clad chest. It’s almost pitiful that she thinks it’s her best feature, more so than her face. So, the first thing is, if you don’t want your identity known, don’t post a picture at all, or use a far-away one. Flaunting physical assets alone denigrates the rest of the person that you are.

2. The women who were snapped in what they consider alluring attire and poses cracked us up. One even wrote, “I know that all you guys want is to see pictures, so here they are.” How tacky. Some real examples included shots of women turned backwards so their derrieres were shown off in tight pants, skimpy bathing suits, a girl in an extremely tiny skirt with one high-heeled shoe up on a rock, and one lass in micro-mini shorts and what looked like a bra, stretched across the hood of her truck. If you resort to such cheap ways to get attention, it appears that you don’t have too much else to offer in terms of personality or character. Don’t fall into that trap. If you look shallow, you’ll get someone shallow. Is that what you want? Even worse, if you demand that your pictures be “rated”, you don’t appear to be going into this with the right frame of mind. It’s just as important to know what to leave out as what to put in a personal ad.

3. Many gals post photos of themselves in fancy attire because that’s when they’re all dolled up and looking their best. This may backfire, especially if that kind of look is something you indulge in once a year. Would you rather be let down by meeting that pictured guy in a handsome tuxedo but now looking scruffy, or being impressed by a man who looks better than his photo? It’s a relatively minor psychological fluke, but we are more attracted to that which promise less, but give us more, rather than the other way around.

4. If you have no current, informal photos, on a day when you’re looking good in normal attire, try taking a self portrait with a digital camera. Hold the camera up to a mirror, check your image in the mirror through the viewfinder, shift your eyes so that they appear to be focusing elsewhere, and snap. This may take a few dozen tries to get one that you’re satisfied with, but you’ll be able to crop it later.

5. Finally, appear upfront and smart. Occupation, desire to have children, smoking or drinking habits, and religious affiliation are basics. By not answering, you reduce the chance of compatibility, or jeopardize a relationship once the truth comes out. And-it’s not cute to look like you didn’t graduate from middle school; check spelling and punctuation. Remember that if the first thing anyone sees are written words, those words should be worth reading. Be thoughtful and honest, and you’ll have a greater chance for a positive relationship.