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Today, while flipping through the radio, I caught a song on a country station (I believe by Kenny Chesney) with words to the effect of “I don’t have to wear loose clothes and have a ring in my nose to be cool.” What an “Aha!” moment. Some time ago, I read an article about various marks of “coolness” since the 1920’s, and it was really humorous. The extent that we try to impress others by being “with it” seems ludicrous when viewed years later.

We’ve all done this to a degree, normally in our teenage years. Although it seemed fairly innocuous to want to be hip, when I see this younger generation trying, it appears different. So much energy goes towards outside appearance and persona, there’s nothing left for the inside, and it’s sad. There seem to be some friendly children in my daughter’s school who are left out just because they’re not “cool”. (Not that surprising, they’re usually ones who are smart, sensible and have priorities in order.) Those poor kids could probably buy a whole new wardrobe from Hot Topic and still wouldn’t fit in with the cool crowd because their attitudes aren't rebellious enough. When you think about it, being cool has always had a connection with rebellion. It’s understood that young people use rebellion to deal with controlling issues in their lives, but when adults try too hard to be cool, it’s unnerving.

Is a 45 year old woman in a micro mini and band shirt being herself or trying to recapture youth? How about a 50 year old man with long hair or a Mohawk? Is he expressing individuality or a wish to look half his age? Are they rebelling against growing older or against society’s norm of how middle-age folks should appear? Cool for one generation just isn’t cool for another.

Have you ever tried to remember some of the ways in which you attempted cool-ness, only to realize later that it was just plain foolish? In high school, I first bleached my hair with Sun-In, and when that made a mess, I dyed my hair black. It was worse. I also did the almost-white lipstick and the three shades of eye shadow, and to this day I don’t know how my mother let me leave the house looking like that. Tight, dragging bellbottoms, earth shoes and tiny beaded bracelets are all now back in vogue, so I don’t feel so bad about those. But I did have more than my share of the nylon and polyester pant ensembles, not to mention huge shoulder pads of the late 70’s and 80’s. Heaven forbid I would leave the house without a designer purse and red-painted nails during my pre-married days, just in case I’d get the chance to go out after work. (It took a long time to accept that men really don’t care about such things, and that I was trying to look cool in the eyes of the competition.)

I loved a car commercial awhile back where a teenager says to a grown woman, “You’re lucky; you don’t have to worry about being cool”. Yep, it is nice not to have that particular stress on top of everything else. Let’s face it-when one is trying to make a living, keep a house, raise a family, and still have free time, why waste precious energy on something as unnecessary as a cutting-edge image? By the time one is a parent of a teen, life should be settled into a more altruistic mode. It’s more important how you contribute, the difference you make, and how the future is planned. (Of course, even if you do wear the trendiest shoes to the hippest, hottest spots with the coolest people, your kids still won’t want to be seen with you!)

Perhaps “coolness” is primarily for the young to experience on their way to finding strength of character. When they no longer need to rely on superficial trappings to tell them they’re ok, they will finally realize that they are “cool” when they’re no longer afraid to be themselves.

On that note, this old gal is going to jump into her red car, and drive to a dance class after checking her email-just like the 20 year olds! Hah-how cool is that?!