FashBlog.com

If you’ve been following my column since its inception in January, you know I’m not your usual kind of fashion writer. Yes, I’m intrigued by clothing and accessories, and all that goes with a presentation that’s flattering, healthy, and appropriate for the circumstances. What I’m not, and what I’ve trying to convey almost weekly here, is a little sheep that’s waiting to follow any kind of fashion guru, I don’t care what his or her name is or how much they charge. In fact, if you’re familiar with my views by this time, you already know that I like to point out flaws in the reasoning of a great many “style” concepts and fall short of actually poking fun at some of them. (Well, OK, maybe sometimes I do, but not that often…)

Today I may do something just a bit different; I’m going to flip through my latest copy of a popular fashion glossy and tell you what “they” have decided will give us a certain kind of look. I’ll give you my comments about the fashion insights of the pros, and you should feel free to leave your comments as well. This should be fun.

1. The well dressed gal, by donning skinny jeans (of course over her skinny hips, thighs and calves), a layered, ruffled, spaghetti strapped top, and pointy toed, sling back heels should feel not only "summery but a little bit rock and roll…"

Hmmm…Don’t you think that if it’s hot enough to wear such a skimpy top, it’s probably too hot for skin tight, long pants? On the other hand, if you’re off to an air conditioned club, you’d probably need to dance a lot to stay warm up top-just like Ann Margaret did in her famous ruffled top in “Bye Bye Birdie” - but she wore capri’s and flats. Furthermore, what is the concept that we sall want to feela little bit rock and roll?

2. According to a 4 page, Calvin Klein jean ad, right now we’re supposed to be interested in purchasing velvet jackets, high boots, ¾ sleeve sweaters and hoodies, mini skirts worn with long scarves, and pea coats.

Hello-it’s 90 degrees and July; I for one don’t want to go there. Cal must have known that some of us are summer folk; his contribution to us is one model who’s topless, yet not abashed enough to stop hugging her pal-who I think is male but I'm not 100% sure. By the way, what happened to fall?

3. Ribbon fringe-loose strips of fabric hanging off necklines-are supposed to offer movement while providing a “half tuxedo, half flapperish” look.

Well. I can’t say I’ve ever worn a fringe of anything up that high, and am not sure I’d find it “easy wearing.” You bend down and several strips hit you in the face. Forget wearing a necklace that day. If you have a baby, he or she could have a field day yanking on them, as would any cat you happen to pick up and pet. Still, it’s not unattractive, especially in the same color and material of the dress or top.

4. Kirna Zabete has new shoes for sale on line by the name of “Garbo.” Picture, if you can, a moderately width heel about 3-4 inches, with a shoe back that stays at the same level around the foot, whose two sides meet in a tied front (like a man’s shoe) which travels the length of the instep. Finish the picture off with pointed toes, and then imagine them in red patent leather. The ad says that you “would look a little hip-librarian.”

Uhh…I don’t know many librarians, but the ones I do know wouldn’t wear those. Maybe some gals could carry it off, but I for one, aren’t aware of any. If you happen to be a baby boomer and remember seeing nuns out in public in pairs, this is what they wore-in black, but with low, squat heels. They weren’t shiny either. (The word was that patent leather shoes would allow guys to see up your skirt.) These shoes are what I’d see someone wearing with one of those black and white nun outfits for their costume at Halloween. It’s not sexy; it’s not functional; it’s just sort of a strange hybrid.

That’s it for now; I’ve filled my fashion skepticism quota for awhile. Thanks for bearing with me. It’s good to express frustration at what appears absurd, and the world some designers think we wish to inhabit.