FashBlog.com

Hair...it's been called 'crowning glory', and with darn good reason. No matter what you're wearing, or NOT wearing, your hair is always there...providing you with a completely unique fashion accessory, tailored to match your personal coloring at a cellular level. While it may not be the first thing I notice about someone, it's the image of their face and hairstyle that sticks in my brain as part of my people identifier file. Something like this: Hmm...Mary...*clickwhirclick*...oh, right blonde feathered gal.

That being the case, I've always wondered why people hang on to bad hairstyles for so very long...especially those who take the time to update their wardrobes, but leave their hair decades in the past. Sadly, I've been a victim of this fashion crime on occasion. Until three years ago, I had very long hair (to my waist) with bangs. Too many bangs..not just wispy cute bangs, but a whole 1/5 of my hair bangs. Soooo unfashionable. I contemplated cutting my hair short to the length of the bangs, but short really isn't a good look for me (my hair is very wavy and has a mind of its own) so I then faced the horror of the bang growout. It took me nearly two years to get them to a length I felt comfortable with, then headed to the salon and got my hair chopped, so it just brushed my shoulders. I felt like a goddess. But why the hell did I wait so long???? I think it's because we get used to seeing ourselves a certain way, and if we liked what we saw at one point we're afraid to change. Just my two cents, of course.

There are a few golden oldies that are still out there, lurking on the heads of the otherwise fashionable. For your amusement, I present my favorite Hairstyles from Hades:

The Dorothy Hamill, circa 1975, named after the Olympic Gold Medal winner in figure skating. She was cute, perky, and had the female version of the Bowl Cut. Sure, it looked adorable and fun while she was spinning on the ice...but unless you're doing your own ice spinning and wearing lovely skatewear, it's just NOT a good look. I've got a personal vendetta against this one, too...when I was ready to start kindergarten, my mother forced me to cut off my long, long hair...and I got my very own Dorothy Hamill. I looked like a little boy. People thought I was a little boy. And I never did any spinning, either. What a waste. When I see this one out and about, I can't help but wonder if the wearer is hanging on to a dream never fulfilled...and she's usually on the pudgy side, which creates a very unpleasant mental picture.

The Beehive, circa 1960. I don't even really need to describe this one at all...you know what it looks like. Your grandma had one, and if you're old like me, your MOM had one, perhaps in her wedding photos. A moderate version of this style has become popular again, to which I say NAY, leave the past in the past, PLEASE! There is no need to pile all your hair on top of your head and spray it so that you could fall 40 stories and still have an intact do. NO! I've seen it worn with fem sweaters and jeans...and it makes me nauseous. Of course, some older ladies never moved on...you'll usually see them at the mall in their polyester pants, though I HAVE borne witness to a few with too much makeup and leather pants. Yes, I'm serious. Bottom line: unless you're in the B-52's, this is a fashion don't.

Dreadlocks. By definition, according to wiki, these are: 'matted ropes of hair which will form by themselves if the hair is allowed to grow without the use of brushes, combs, razors or scissors for a long period of time.' Um, EWE???? They are the oldest documented hairstyle and have been worn for thousands of years...that's great and all, but PEOPLE...we have shampoo and combs now, so use them please. I suppose this style will never die, as I see them everywhere. They look most ridiculous on men in suits and women in evening wear. Yes, I've seen it with my own eyes. I'm not sure what message they're trying to send by not caring for their hair, but unless paired with a loincloth, dreadlocks are out for me.

And lastly, the hairstyle that should be banned in some legal fashion...the Mullet. Short in the front, long in the back. Or, if you prefer...business in the front, party in the back! Popular in the 80's and early 90's, worn by men AND women. This is the one that is most frightening as a fashion statement, and the one I still see most often out in the real world. Usually it's paired with dirty jeans and a T-Shirt with either a band or beer slogan, therefore being apropriate for that particular individual's sytle...but I HAVE seen them with suits, tuxes and dresses. That's when I have to run off to the ladies room and have myself a giggle, or just stand there with my mouth agape. And then it crosses my mind to drag the person to a bar, get them all loaded, and SHAVE THE BACK OFF.

Interestingly, there haven't been many new hairstyles of late that I dislike enough to make fun of. Have we turned a fashion corner? Are the days of the Vanilla Ice fade behind us? Only time will tell...and hey, even I'M finally within the decade of hair fashion!