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Ah, ladies, let's all take a moment to reflect on our wedding day (if applicable...if not, and you're a gal, you may have it all pictured in your mind anyhow so join in, will you?). Lovely, wasn't it? Picturesque, peaceful, romantic...you and your spouse pledging love to each other for all eternity. And, if you're like most people, you were surrounded by three or more of your favorite women...be they friends, relatives, or strangers your husband asked you to include, there they were, holding your crap and smiling and trying not to look better than you. Now I ask you...were you kind to them when you dressed them? I know, I know...it was YOUR day, and you had SO MUCH to be responsible for already and you just HAD to have teal organza because it went with your scheme...mmm hmmm. But really, were you? Or did you just pick a dress and run with it no matter if you had a size 2 and a 22 in your party?

First, let me speak from personal experience. My wedding took place in my living room, with me, my spouse and the town mayor in attendance. The groom wore jeans and a lovely dark green cotton Eddie Bauer shirt, the bride wore a light khaki tunic sweater, jeans and Birkenstocks (hey, they matched the sweater...go me!). The mayor wore her mayoral robes, which were white, in case you were curious. I had no bridesmaids to dress, by choice...and I obviously didn't really put much thought into dressing myself. I DID comb my hair and put on some necklaces, which is pretty much 'dressed up' for me (fashion lover, and a victim!). But I HAVE had the displeasure of working as a waitress at many a wedding back in the day, and I have also been forced into bridesmaid bondage by a few friends and a sibling along the way. The main friend gown horror was back in the early 90's, when it was 'in' for the bride to wear light pink instead of white. My friend, always trendy, simply HAD to do this for HER wedding. Okay, that's fine. I don't care for pink, and was glad I wouldn't be wearing it. And then. We went. To the bridal store. And I saw. It. *insert Godzilla theme here* It was satin. It was long. And it was WHITE. I've mentioned in previous posts that I'm a fat girl...now I'd like you to imagine a size18 WHITE SATIN GOWN. I'm also NOT a sun worshipper, so I'm pale as a ghost. These were low cut, which is okay with me because I dig my boobs, but they were also off the shoulder and required a strapless bra. Again, hello, FAT GIRL HERE! (Yes, I know being fat is my fault...I don't MIND being fat and am just VERY aware about what I should NOT be wearing.) And, the dresses were SOOO long and everyone else in the wedding part was not only fat, but SHORT. When I saw the white satin gloves and white satin shoes I nearly passed out. And then I saw the PRICE TAG of $300...but I had agreed to be in the wedding, and stayed in for my friend. Whom I don't talk to any longer, 12 years later. Funny stuff, that. I WAS able to use the dress a few years later at Halloween when I went out as a corpse bride. Before the movie.

The sibling horror wasn't as bad...and she paid for the dress, so that was a bonus...but still, I was stuffed into an emerald green JC Penny gown with matching shoes. The other bridesmaid was in a ruby red gown. No, the wedding wasn't anywhere near Christmas. Go figure. This one got cut up and made into pillows at some point.

And the dresses I saw as a waitress...unbeliveable. Scary. Shocking. And the brides, smugly grinning.

So, ladies...my tips to have happy bridesmaids if you haven't taken the plunge yet:

• Think about who you want in your party before you even begin looking at dresses. Make a list of sizes you need to incorporate, take photos if you have to for easier visualization.
• Choose colors for your theme that can be combined with something that is actually wearable in public, pehaps for future occasions.
  
• Pick a dress that is reasonably complimentary to small and large body sizes, with a length that is manageable.
• Be up front about costs, and if you know that someone you feel you must include doesn't have much expendable cash, offer to help if you can.
• If you can, be open to the idea of having everyone in the same color but a different style.
• If you refuse to compromise on any issues, at least have an open bar so your party can get drunk immediately and forget about the horrorshow they're wearing.