FashBlog.com

The other day I found myself watching one of those reality shows on television. This particular one involved a group of B-list celebrities who compete to lose a certain amount of weight in a certain amount of time through various fitness and diet challenges. During the weighing-in ceremony, one contestant's remark in particular caught my ear and made me think a little. This man, when asked what the biggest difference in his life was since he had lost about twenty pounds, stated that he no longer found himself "dressing defensively." As he said this, he was wearing a simple pair of khakis and a tucked-in polo shirt. He indicated his clothing and repeated the statement, then added, "I'm not trying to hide anything anymore."

Just to add to the phenomenon, earlier this evening I was watching a fashion makeover show, and the woman receiving the makeover made almost the exact same statement, just in different words. She was wearing lots of baggy tops and sweatshirts that made her look large; when she was asked why she chose clothes like that, she stated it was because she was self-conscious about her (non-existent, at least as far I was concerned) tummy.

The idea of dressing defensively, or dressing to hide what you perceive as your own body flaws, is far from a new one. In fact, the concept is one of the major "makers or breakers" when it comes to choosing clothing for many men and women in the world today. But what I realized is this: it's such a sad, and often unnecessary, thing to waste our energy on.

Now, I'm certainly not saying that everyone should wear the same types of clothing, and I do believe firmly in the idea that certain items can be cut a certain way in order to disguise any flaws that do exist. Those who really do have a tummy should avoid wearing belly shirts- heck, I think everyone should avoid wearing belly shirts, but that's beside the point. You don't have to show off what you consider your body flaws, but dressing them down is one thing. Obsessing over them and letting them completely control what you wear is another thing altogether.

I wear a small size, but women in my family are cursed with what I consider flabby upper arms. A few years ago I involved myself in a fairly rigorous program of weight training and diet and exercise, and the rest of my body was very toned... but my upper arms never seemed to quite get there. I think it's one of those things- everyone's bodies store fat in slightly different places, and this happens to be mine.

Unfortunately, for years I have let this influence my clothing choices. And frankly, that is just no fun. Everyone who knows me will attest to the fact that even today, even in the heat of summer, it is extremely rare to see me wearing short sleeves. When I'm in the stores, if I see a short-sleeved top I have to fight the urge to automatically rule it out- unless it's the type of shirt that I can throw a cardigan over. Most of my shirts are three-quarter sleeved or longer. I own the world's largest collection of cardigans and jackets for this exact reason.

The thing is, all of this talk about defensive dressing made me realize something: this huge amount of effort to hide what is a relatively small flaw is sad. And I missed out on a lot of fun fashion choices I could have been making along the way, simply in an effort to cover up what I didn't like about myself. The reality of the matter is that on the few occasions when I did wear short sleeves I am almost positive that nobody even noticed my upper arms.

When I think about this, I think about all the men and women all over the world who go through agonies trying to decide what to buy and what to wear because they are trying to hide something that in the eyes of everyone else most likely does not even exist. It's amazing how much we amplify our own flaws, and go out of our way to compensate for them. So much time and energy is invested in this that I'm surprised some of us can manage to leave the house at all.

I'm not really sure what the solution to all of this is. For me, one solution was this: I discovered that wearing cap sleeves was the best way to show my upper arms without feeling self conscious about them. Regular short sleeves cut my arm at the wrong place, but cap sleeves end just below the shoulder and make the entire arm look longer and leaner. This is what I'm talking about when I say that you can play down your perceived flaws without going through all the pain and effort of trying to hide them completely. It's totally possible to do. The key is having the guts to try a few different pieces of clothing until you find the one that makes you happy with how you look, and then having the guts to wear it out. You'll find that you get used to it, and that you feel a lot more comfortable... and a lot more free... than you did when you were hiding your body in defensive clothing.
-by bjp