FashBlog.com

I will admit it. When the doctor said that the baby I had been carrying in my tummy for nine months was a boy, there was a moment of panic. Do I know how to raise a boy? Then I thought of those insipid arguments between moms and dads and their daughters over boys, dates, and...clothing!

Whew! I don't have to deal with those problems. It is unlikely my handsome little son will ever cause us great stress over his wardrobe. Parents to daughters, though, may find the situation a bit different. There are ways to navigate this dilemma, however.

First, know where you stand. That means that you and your partner should talk about the clothing issues. Look at the hot fashions, like ponchos, and decide how you feel about them. Then consider old stand-bys - short shorts and like. You should stand firm on these issues and let anyone, such as aunts and grandmothers, who may purchase clothing for your daughter which pieces you will not permit her to wear.

Second, know why you feel that way. While you don't technically have to tell your daughter why you are saying no to a certain piece of clothing, you should consider it. By the time she is old enough for these arguments, she will be old enough to listen to reasoning. Instead of giving a standard non-answer, such as "because I'm your mother," which she will not accept, learn to offer a more concrete reason.

Giving a specific reason will allow her to understand where you are coming from even if she disagrees. Telling her that you do not think wearing sexy underwear is acceptable for a teen because it is a privilege of adults may make her unhappy, but it is better than a snarling no without explanation. It also forces you to think about why you do, in fact, oppose clothing. You can look at your reason and determine whether or not it is legitimate.

Learn to give in. While you should not encourage your daughter to participate in every clothing trend out there, have a little give. If you hate Capri pants or rugged jeans or sweater ponchos but your daughter wants them, go ahead. There is no moral reason to oppose them, such as with shorts with writing across the bottom. There may be some room for practical opposition, that the cost of the clothing is not worth it because it will go out of style. Still, you should allow your daughter to participate in some way in the trends of her peers as long as it is not at odds with your greater parenting philosophy.

The final lesson is to listen to your daughter. Remember what high school was like. It was fun for precious few people. While it may seem silly to you that everyone makes fun of her for her shoes, you have to decide whether it is worth it in the long run to force her to continue to wear them if she wants to fit in. You are walking a fine line when you are raising a daughter. My hat is off to you.

By Julia Mercer